Warning! Honest and emotional update...

The past few weeks have been very emotional. Most days too much so for me to post anything. In case you didn't already know, things have not gone according to plan. The guy Steve had a written offer of employment with was an idiot and canceled every meeting they had scheduled for a week. After a week of not being able to do what he went there to do, he decided to look elsewhere. We felt that was the right thing to do and that we needed to continue working on getting us set up there.

I have asked Steve to write an update to how things are going because he can explain it so much better than I can...

Charlene asked me to write an update, so here it is.

Nothing has changed. I’ve had several interviews, applied for over 60 jobs and nothing. Apparently I’m proprietary and was even told that because my experience was in Utah, it didn’t mean anything. That person got a glimpse at Stormy. I have been absolutely shocked by the attitude of people here. Everyone is warm and friendly until they find out that you’re not a Texan. These people are brainwashed. It’s Texas first, then country, then family, then God. At least that’s how it’s come across to me. Then I find out they teach “Texas first” in schools starting in elementary and I can’t help but think about what Hitler did with the ‘Hitler Youth’. It’s the same thing. It sickens me.

Overall, I’m tired. I can’t seem to sleep anymore. I worry about making bills, keeping commitments and being away from Charlene. She tells me not to worry about that, but.. yeah, right. I think you all know better than that.

I interviewed for a job Friday (the 26^th) and they really liked me. They are the first to take me for what I have to offer instead of where I’m from. If I get that one, I’ll stay. If not, I may come home.

I’m very homesick. This has been a massive trial of my patience, faith, trust and endurance. I don’t know how much more I can take. I feel so much pressure to get going here, coupled with having to learn a whole new area that I feel like I’m about to break. I don’t know how anyone just picks up and moves to an area with no job and just sets up shop without a lot of money. This is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.

I’m staying with my best friend. Even with him, his wife, infant daughter and his brother here I feel very much alone. Now, while I am convinced that’s why I’ve lasted this long, I think it’s also added to the stress. I didn’t realize how much real autonomy I had until I came here. Now, don’t get it twisted, I am grateful to them for the hospitality. I have it GOOD, but it’s about time to get out- even if I do stay here.

I’ve laid awake at night wondering why I came. I was so sure this was the right thing to do. I was so sure that this is where Charlene and I needed to be. Now I’m trying to figure out if it was inspired or if it was my own mind. If it was inspired, what was the point? Was it supposed to be me come out, get a job and have Charlene come out like we planned or was it supposed to be a pure trial for me? Was I supposed to come down for other reasons? Was it a combination of them all?

One day at a time.

So, I guess you could say that I’m coming full circle from my last update eh?

The good news is that despite all the trials I’ve had, I’ve come a long way. I’ve grown by leaps and bounds. My eyes have been opened quite a bit. Charlene and I have really come a long way as well. It’s been rough with the distance, but we’ve adjusted to that. I can’t wait to see her again though.

I learned a lot of what I’m made of. How much I’m really willing to go through for what I want. The problem with that is figuring out what it is I want. This trip cleared it up in a hurry. I would much rather be able to rely on myself if I can. No bed of roses, for sure, but at least I can trust my boss.

That reminds me, if any of you know of where to get business capital that’s NOT a loan, I’m all ears. Actually, I might consider a loan or investor if the deal is right, so send those too. Also, if any of you are good with fiberglass or know somebody who could teach me- it would help. Eventually I would like to produce several products of my own as well as distribute others that are in the same category, but it takes time to build it.

I’m reminded of the words of a song. It’s called “Until the End” by Breaking Benjamin. I guess it’s kind of how I feel about being here right now.

Listen to it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rkbGzDWhcVw

Lyrics:

So clever, Whatever. I'm done with these endeavors. Alone I walk the winding way. (Here I stay)
It's over, No longer, I feel it growing stronger. I'll live to die another day, Until I fade away.

[Chorus:]
Why give up, why give in? It's not enough, it never is. So I will go on until the end. We've become desolate. It's not enough, it never is. But I will go on until the end.

Surround me, It's easy To fall apart completely. I feel you creeping up again. (In my head)
It's over, No longer, I feel it growing colder. I knew this day would come to end, So let this life begin.

[Chorus]

I've lost my way. I've lost my way, but I will go on until the end.
Living is hard enough Without you *beep* up.

[Chorus]
I've lost my way. I've lost my way, but I will go on until the end.
The final fight I'll win, The final fight I'll win, The final fight I'll win, But I will go on until the end.

Dad, how did you do it? How did you pick up, go and make it work so often? How did you deal with all the TDY’s, alerts and other time away. Add to that 20 years with one organization and I’m totally baffled. Granted, it was the military and I’m dealing with *beep* *beep* beepity beep* security companies and owner, but still. WOW!

Randy, I don’t know how you do it. How do you just seem to have undying patience and faith. That’s strength I can only dream about right now.

Scott, you inspire me. You have constantly picked yourself up by the bootstraps time and time again. You get knocked HARD but I’ve never seen you quit. You have the tenacity of a pitbull, but with intelligence and purpose. You have built yourself a nice life.

Dirk, I admire the strength and ‘testicular fortitude’ it took to just up and move across the country. Then you’re successful. You have done well for yourself. You keep yourself grounded and down to earth. I like that.

John, I admire the hell out of you, man. Talk about self made- humble about it too. Granted, you have the benefit of a college education, but still. That’s some DAMN hard work you’ve done.

Now, all of you have taught me something or inspired me in one or more ways. I look to you all as examples. I hope to pick up the right habits and become successful. I guess that’s why I’m here.

SO, I’m going to take things one day at a time until there is no more time I suppose. I know it sounds like I complained a lot, but it was more me just telling you how I’m feeling. It’s not a new thing in the world. I’m not wanting sympathy. Just…. Sharing.

So, there you go. That’s my update. Nobody ever said I was PC or positive all the time, but you can’t accuse me of not telling it like it is.

Ok, that’s all for me. Charlene’s gonna write some stuff now. Cheers.

Even though it has been rough, we have definitely had some good experiences. I feel that we are closer because of needing to rely so much on each other and God at the same time.

So, there you go. That is our update for now. I do have some fun stories to share, but that will have to come at another time.