It has finally come!

For those of you who have been aware of my grandmother's health....

Grandma Pace passed away tonight at 7:40. She has been very fragile for a while. She has lived with my parents for the last three years and it has really helped me to develop a strong relationship with her. I have been one of the few people that she consistently recognized. Dementia and pain were her biggest issues and the last few weeks it has been especially difficult.
Last Saturday my parents wanted to go to a family reunion in Wyoming but grandma was not up to the trip. They asked me to be with her at the house since I am one of the people she has responded to the best. I got there at 7:00 a.m. so they could get on the road early. My sister was home all day, which was lucky for me. Grandma slept all day, didn't even get out of bed to use the restroom (she has been wearing Attends so I wasn't too concerned). Hospice has been in place so I just kept checking for breathing.

At about 4:45 I spoke with my parents and they said they were on their way home and should be there at about 9:00. Somewhere around 5:45 grandma woke up and was very confused. She kept trying to get undressed and we couldn't understand what she was saying. My sister called my mother to find out what we should do. She said to give her the anti-anxiety medication she had. She was so confused she didn't remember how to drink or even use a straw. We got it down her in tiny sips.

Finally, after about an hour she settled down enough to go back to sleep. For a while we were preparing for her to go on us then, although I didn't know if I could handle it emotionally. I wanted her to be able to go so she wouldn't suffer anymore, I just didn't necessarily want to be there when she did.

She gradually went down hill each day from there. This morning my mother called off her shift for work (something I don't know that I ever recall her doing, even for herself) because she was really struggling and didn't want my dad to have to deal with it by himself. She wouldn't have been home from work yet when she passed if she had gone.

I was at my sister's house (along with all my sisters) for a jewelry party when my mother called the house. That changed the mood of the party pretty quickly. None of us were overly emotional, as we knew it was going to happen sometime soon, just needed to step away for a bit. I called Steve to let him know. He offered to go to the house and help in anyway that they needed it until I was done and could get there. My mom said they didn't need it. Things were calm.

I decided to go to the house before the mortuary came. I wanted to deal with things on my own, without the rest of my large extended family around. They weren't around for most of her last three years, why should I have to share that time with them? The first thing I noticed was the quiet - no oxygen running. Apparently they stopped it a few days ago but I hadn't been there since Saturday. That's when it really hit me and I broke down. I went in and said good-bye and stayed there until after the mortuary came and went. It helped a lot for me emotionally to be there for that.

I know that she is finally at peace and my grandpa (he passed away 5 1/2 years ago) probably came to get her and likely said something to the effect of "It's about time you let go and came with me!" She's been a stubborn one, that is for sure. I am very grateful for the time I had with her, to hear her stories and get to know her sense of humor. She was a good woman, although could get rather ornery at times. I will miss her laugh and her smiles, but I feel good knowing she is in a better place and finally happy again.