Flashback Friday

I know it has been some time since I wrote a post, and especially a Flashback Friday post. I was playing a game on Facebook and I just started thinking about Steve. Since he is at work, I miss him. I've been thinking about the day (and moment) I realized I wanted to marry him. We have already shared the story about how we met and our whirlwind courtship. But I don't know if he even remembers this one.

Around the time that we met Angela's husband Erik joined the Army, active duty. Of course this meant selling their house and moving out of state. They had two kids at the time, Alek and Ethan. I believe that Alek had just turned 2 and Ethan had just turned 1. If my memory serves me correctly, their house had not sold by the time Erik had to leave for boot camp. One Saturday, when we didn't have a competition, Steve and I went over to help her pack, clean the house, and take care of the kids.

We took a break and Steve and I were reading stories to the kids. I believe that Alek was on Steve's lap and I was holding Ethan. At some point, I glanced at the TV in front of us. I could see our reflections and it truly was as if time just stopped. I sat in amazement as Steve was so involved in the story he was reading. I saw us together and it just fit. I wanted to cry but decided that wasn't a good idea, so I held it back.

After that, I had no hope. All he had to do was say the words and I was his. To this day, whenever I watch him with kids I am amazed and I feel the same way. He's not worried about whatever is going on in life. He is involved in the moment and he is a kid himself. It makes my heart melt every time.

I love the moments in life that happen and things become crystal clear, such as this one. Last week I had another. I won't go into too many yucky details, but last Friday I ended up in the emergency room. I was bleeding uncontrollably and in a lot of pain. I had been trying to deal with it on my own since Wednesday night with some luck here and there but Friday it just got worse and I couldn't take it anymore.

I was at work and ended up having a co-worker take me. Steve had worked the night before and I knew he was supposed to be sleeping. I didn't even know if he would have his phone on or not (he typically turns it off so he it doesn't wake him up when people call). I had called from work and he didn't answer because he didn't recognize the number. A few minutes later I called from my cell phone, in the car on the way. By this point I was in tears, and he had only been asleep for an hour. As soon as he heard me crying he was up. Within 10 minutes he was dressed and to the hospital to be with me.

Throughout the day, everything he did was for me, nothing else mattered. It didn't matter how tired, hungry or thirsty he was. He was going to be there with me whenever possible. He called work and let them know he would not be able to make it in that night. He wasn't going to leave me by myself. Luckily, at one point they had to take me for some tests and he was able to get some food. My dad came to the hospital about half way and stayed with us the remainder of the time. He also took Steve to pick up my car after I was home. I think that helped Steve as much as it did me.

We definitely have our moments, times that we just go with the flow. But I am grateful for those moments of clarity. The expressions of pure and simple love.

I love you Steve!

Long Time Coming

It has been a long time since I have posted. For this, I apologize. It's been a rough few months, to be honest. For those of you who have known me for a while, you know that I struggle in the winter and I am much more prone to depression. I wish I could say this winter was different...

Regardless, there were a few events I could have (and should have) posted, such as:

• My sister Amanda had her baby and we now have baby Lexi in our family. She was born early on Thanksgiving morning. This was also Ruthann's birthday, which made her very happy. This past Sunday she was blessed.

• Christmas came and went with little to report. Since Steve was not working we didn't have a lot of money. But we did spend some good time with family. The more time goes on the more I realize how much they really mean to me.

• My baby brother Joel (yes, I said baby) got married a few weeks ago. Ruthann is now officially part of the family and our total is now up to 25. It will be 26 later this spring, and Britta will again round out the grandkids making it an even five boys and five girls. Here are a few pictures from the wedding and reception.

Just In Time

Steve is home. This actually ended up not being a difficult decision. I'll explain...

This past weekend I had another episode of my rude awakening, except without the visit to the chiropractor. At some point during this "attack" I realized it was something more serious than my ribs being out. It could be that I had just had an adjustment that day, it could be that I realized it was all focused in the pit of my stomach. But I was tempted to go to the ER that night. In retrospect it would have been a good thing to do. I didn't want to go in without Steve though. I had a feeling that I was having trouble with my gallbladder and I was afraid of emergency surgery. So, I stuck it out and slept all day Sunday to recover.

I talked to Steve Sunday night and we started talking seriously about him coming home. He was upset with me for not going to the hospital and told me to go if I needed to whether he was there or not. I told him I really was concerned and that I wanted him to come home. He had a few things to pull together before leaving so we decided he would probably leave on Thursday and get home on Friday.

Monday, I decided that I needed to see a doctor for this because it has happened too many times and something was really wrong. I called my primary care's office and was able to get in that afternoon. I told him my theory was gallbladder but he disagreed with me based on my symptoms. He felt it was an ulcer and gave me a sample of Prevacid and took some blood to check for the H Pylori bacteria. I said ok and went home. I still didn't feel well.

Tuesday night, I had another "attack". It was earlier in the evening, before going to bed instead of waking me up. My dad came over to give me a blessing and I was told that things would calm down, I would be able to get some sleep and go to work as I needed to do. Around midnight I did receive enough relief to get some sleep, but it did not go away completely.

Wednesday I was tempted to stay home, even go in late but I pushed myself and went in on time. I worked the entire day although I was not well. I called the doctor's office for my lab results. The H Pylori was negative. It was not an ulcer and the doctor wanted me to arrange to have an ultrasound. I set this up for Monday morning, although I was not sure I would make it until then. At some point in the late afternoon, Steve called me to cheer me up. He said he had a surprise for me and wanted me to look at the bank account online and tell him what the last transaction was. He was already on his way home and in Tucumcari, NM. I started to cry, his timing was perfect. I needed him home with me. I was very sick and was not getting better. I promised him, and myself, that if I had another attack that I would go to the hospital.

Thursday morning, approx. 5:00 a.m., Steve walked in the door. He drove 20 hours straight from Justin, Texas to our home in West Jordan, UT stopping only for gas. I was asleep but woke up when the door opened. I can not describe how comforting it was to have him home with me. Even though I had been sleeping, and Steve was exhausted and needed sleep, we talked and just enjoyed each other until about 6:00. Emotionally, I felt so relieved. Physically, I still hurt.

I hate the alarm. I always have but it is worse when I am sick. I have to make the decision to get out of bed and go to work when I feel that I need to stay home or stay home. Thursday, my bed won. I was comfortable enough that I wasn't in too much pain, as long as I didn't move. I had to get out of bed to use the bathroom and boy did I feel it. It wasn't a full attack but it was enough that I felt work was not a good thing for me that day. I called the office, went back to bed and slept until noon. Around 2:00 I felt I could handle a shower and it helped, for a moment. I crashed and went back to bed at 3:00. Steve woke me up at 6:00 for dinner and an appointment we needed to go to at 7:00 but I felt worse than I had all day. We got home at 8:00 and I went straight to bed.

Sleep did not come. By 9:00 I thought I might be in trouble and by 10:00 it was very clear that I was. Unfortunately for me, by this time Steve was asleep and due to his drive the previous day/night he was in no condition to skip sleep. He fell asleep mid-conversation. I called my mom for her medical opinion. I couldn't wait until Steve could get enough sleep to take me to the hospital so my dad took me. We got right in, literally. Within about 30-45 minutes of arriving at the hospital I was in having an ultrasound. By the time she was done with the ultrasound the morphine was really kicking in and I was starting to feel pretty good. When I got back to my room I finally had to really wait, but at this point I didn't care. I was loopy and grateful to be in that state. It felt good!

After about a half hour the doctor came in to give us the update. Because my pain was heading to the left side of my stomach they were somewhat concerned about my pancreas as well. Luckily, there were no signs of infection. They did find exactly what I expected, several gallstones. The largest was 1.7 cm in diameter. That is not a small stone! For perspective, that is the size of my thumbnail! He did say that other than the stones, which were the cause of the pain, my gallbladder looked good so I did not need emergency surgery. He referred me to a general surgeon to discuss my long term options and gave me prescriptions for Lortab and Toradol to manage any attacks I may have until I could see the doctor.

We left the hospital barely after 1:00 a.m. We were there just over 2 hours - a very quick visit! We stopped at Walgreen's on the way home to fill my prescriptions and I climbed right in bed. Steve was still not coherent. He chatted with me but was gone! I still felt good and slept quite well. This morning I called my boss and the office to give an update and informed them I would not be in. I needed to recouperate. Needless to say it has been an interesting week.

Overall, I am very relieved to know what is going on and that I have a direction to go. I meet with the general surgeon on Tuesday to go over my options. This knowledge brings a lot of light to past issues. Remember my vacation? Yeah, same thing. Christmas? Then too. I wish I figured it out sooner rather than later, but I know now.

And knowing is half the battle...

Warning! Honest and emotional update...

The past few weeks have been very emotional. Most days too much so for me to post anything. In case you didn't already know, things have not gone according to plan. The guy Steve had a written offer of employment with was an idiot and canceled every meeting they had scheduled for a week. After a week of not being able to do what he went there to do, he decided to look elsewhere. We felt that was the right thing to do and that we needed to continue working on getting us set up there.

I have asked Steve to write an update to how things are going because he can explain it so much better than I can...

Charlene asked me to write an update, so here it is.

Nothing has changed. I’ve had several interviews, applied for over 60 jobs and nothing. Apparently I’m proprietary and was even told that because my experience was in Utah, it didn’t mean anything. That person got a glimpse at Stormy. I have been absolutely shocked by the attitude of people here. Everyone is warm and friendly until they find out that you’re not a Texan. These people are brainwashed. It’s Texas first, then country, then family, then God. At least that’s how it’s come across to me. Then I find out they teach “Texas first” in schools starting in elementary and I can’t help but think about what Hitler did with the ‘Hitler Youth’. It’s the same thing. It sickens me.

Overall, I’m tired. I can’t seem to sleep anymore. I worry about making bills, keeping commitments and being away from Charlene. She tells me not to worry about that, but.. yeah, right. I think you all know better than that.

I interviewed for a job Friday (the 26^th) and they really liked me. They are the first to take me for what I have to offer instead of where I’m from. If I get that one, I’ll stay. If not, I may come home.

I’m very homesick. This has been a massive trial of my patience, faith, trust and endurance. I don’t know how much more I can take. I feel so much pressure to get going here, coupled with having to learn a whole new area that I feel like I’m about to break. I don’t know how anyone just picks up and moves to an area with no job and just sets up shop without a lot of money. This is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.

I’m staying with my best friend. Even with him, his wife, infant daughter and his brother here I feel very much alone. Now, while I am convinced that’s why I’ve lasted this long, I think it’s also added to the stress. I didn’t realize how much real autonomy I had until I came here. Now, don’t get it twisted, I am grateful to them for the hospitality. I have it GOOD, but it’s about time to get out- even if I do stay here.

I’ve laid awake at night wondering why I came. I was so sure this was the right thing to do. I was so sure that this is where Charlene and I needed to be. Now I’m trying to figure out if it was inspired or if it was my own mind. If it was inspired, what was the point? Was it supposed to be me come out, get a job and have Charlene come out like we planned or was it supposed to be a pure trial for me? Was I supposed to come down for other reasons? Was it a combination of them all?

One day at a time.

So, I guess you could say that I’m coming full circle from my last update eh?

The good news is that despite all the trials I’ve had, I’ve come a long way. I’ve grown by leaps and bounds. My eyes have been opened quite a bit. Charlene and I have really come a long way as well. It’s been rough with the distance, but we’ve adjusted to that. I can’t wait to see her again though.

I learned a lot of what I’m made of. How much I’m really willing to go through for what I want. The problem with that is figuring out what it is I want. This trip cleared it up in a hurry. I would much rather be able to rely on myself if I can. No bed of roses, for sure, but at least I can trust my boss.

That reminds me, if any of you know of where to get business capital that’s NOT a loan, I’m all ears. Actually, I might consider a loan or investor if the deal is right, so send those too. Also, if any of you are good with fiberglass or know somebody who could teach me- it would help. Eventually I would like to produce several products of my own as well as distribute others that are in the same category, but it takes time to build it.

I’m reminded of the words of a song. It’s called “Until the End” by Breaking Benjamin. I guess it’s kind of how I feel about being here right now.

Listen to it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rkbGzDWhcVw

Lyrics:

So clever, Whatever. I'm done with these endeavors. Alone I walk the winding way. (Here I stay)
It's over, No longer, I feel it growing stronger. I'll live to die another day, Until I fade away.

[Chorus:]
Why give up, why give in? It's not enough, it never is. So I will go on until the end. We've become desolate. It's not enough, it never is. But I will go on until the end.

Surround me, It's easy To fall apart completely. I feel you creeping up again. (In my head)
It's over, No longer, I feel it growing colder. I knew this day would come to end, So let this life begin.

[Chorus]

I've lost my way. I've lost my way, but I will go on until the end.
Living is hard enough Without you *beep* up.

[Chorus]
I've lost my way. I've lost my way, but I will go on until the end.
The final fight I'll win, The final fight I'll win, The final fight I'll win, But I will go on until the end.

Dad, how did you do it? How did you pick up, go and make it work so often? How did you deal with all the TDY’s, alerts and other time away. Add to that 20 years with one organization and I’m totally baffled. Granted, it was the military and I’m dealing with *beep* *beep* beepity beep* security companies and owner, but still. WOW!

Randy, I don’t know how you do it. How do you just seem to have undying patience and faith. That’s strength I can only dream about right now.

Scott, you inspire me. You have constantly picked yourself up by the bootstraps time and time again. You get knocked HARD but I’ve never seen you quit. You have the tenacity of a pitbull, but with intelligence and purpose. You have built yourself a nice life.

Dirk, I admire the strength and ‘testicular fortitude’ it took to just up and move across the country. Then you’re successful. You have done well for yourself. You keep yourself grounded and down to earth. I like that.

John, I admire the hell out of you, man. Talk about self made- humble about it too. Granted, you have the benefit of a college education, but still. That’s some DAMN hard work you’ve done.

Now, all of you have taught me something or inspired me in one or more ways. I look to you all as examples. I hope to pick up the right habits and become successful. I guess that’s why I’m here.

SO, I’m going to take things one day at a time until there is no more time I suppose. I know it sounds like I complained a lot, but it was more me just telling you how I’m feeling. It’s not a new thing in the world. I’m not wanting sympathy. Just…. Sharing.

So, there you go. That’s my update. Nobody ever said I was PC or positive all the time, but you can’t accuse me of not telling it like it is.

Ok, that’s all for me. Charlene’s gonna write some stuff now. Cheers.

Even though it has been rough, we have definitely had some good experiences. I feel that we are closer because of needing to rely so much on each other and God at the same time.

So, there you go. That is our update for now. I do have some fun stories to share, but that will have to come at another time.

Steve's journey, from his point of view

A lot of people have wondered why I went to Texas. Most of the questions were “why?” or “why Texas?” and my personal favorite “What the hell you wanna do somthin’ like that for?” Well, honestly, there are a lot of reasons. I’m not going to apologize; nor do I feel obligated to articulate myself to anyone but my wife and God, but I wish to address a few of the things that lead me to Texas.

It started June 2, 1999-the day I graduated from high school. It came to a head when I was working for the state. I was sick and tired of the bull associated with security and law enforcement- especially on military bases. I knew there was more. All the dishonesty, politics, fighting for paychecks, uncertainty in the field, dumb co-workers and, frankly, I’m tired of seeing so much pain all the time. People all carry it, but people in my profession see a lot more of it than most. It was rare for me to have a happy day. They were mostly all negative and I usually only saw the bad side of people. It turned my very callous and has turned me into a somewhat angry person. In short, I stopped caring about people. The job became more about babysitting stupid people than helping people. People were an annoyance to me.

SO, I went to commercial flight school, came back…and went back into field work. (stupid stupid stupid!)

Well, I got very sick of it very fast. Almost exactly one year ago, I had my bags packed and I THOUGHT I had an offer of employment. Then a little voice in my mind told me to double check. The person decided to change the deal and offered me HALF the pay and no other benefits. That’s when I got hooked up with the last company in Utah. (I won’t name them for now) I came on as the Security Manager. Three weeks in, I find out that the sites that we’re working are not ”in house” gigs after all like I had been told. They were straight on contracts. Once again, I got lied to and found out about it at 2am because an investigator from the state just raided one of our sites. I was not amused to say the least. It took several weeks of no pay and no work before the license got taken care of. I was looking for other work, but didn’t find it. The owner asked me to stay to make it work and I accepted.

So we got back to work. Back to security and teaching licensing classes. Then, like before, it was nothing but lies, half truths, dumb guards, annoying clients, paychecks that were 2-6 weeks LATE and getting ignored by the owner. Then, we lost all but one client and all at once. I was spared because I was teaching- the one part of the company actually making money… Until I, once again, didn’t get a paycheck (that I’m still fighting for!) Then the email came. A very unceremonious, demeaning, and condescending firing. After a year of busting my butt for him and getting the “loyalty” speech all the time, he fires me in an email and has an attitude about it. That was the second to last straw.

I second to last because, for me, when the last straw gets broken, I get physical. It has been a very long time since I’ve harmed somebody out of anger. However, the thought did pass my mind many a time more intense and vivid than I can recall ever in my life. There was one day I was convinced that I had to. ..umm…let’s just say I was intent on committing a felony. Thankfully, my better sense prevailed and it talked me out of it. Granted, I was moments from doing it, but I didn’t do it.

Now, why tell you that? I want you to understand my mind frame. It’s not something I’m proud of, but it’s part of why I came here. So, again, the question of why.

Illness and fatigue. I was sick and tired. Sick of dealing with dishonesty. Tired of not being able to pay my bills. Sick of working so hard for so little reward and tired of begging for money I’ve already earned. Sick of having to talk to my landlord and promising rent I didn’t know if I would get and tired of seeing Charlene hurting over it. Sick of the same thing for 10 years and tired of the attitudes of owners, managers and people in general. Sick of business owners preaching loyalty and tired of not getting it in return. Sick of being a nobody and tired of doing nothing with my life.

So, the opportunity came up to come to Texas. To change my location; To try something new; To work with my best friend; To really do something. You see, I didn’t know if I could. I remember how hard flight school was. I remember how hard going to New Orleans was, way back when. I was (am) very worried if I could make it and make this a success; nervous to see if I had what it takes to truly be successful.

So, you ask me why… because I need to. I need this. I need to know that I can do this. That when the time comes, I can get things done and handle business. I need to prove to myself that I wasn’t in the position I was in because of Utah. The opposite is also true; I want to prove some of why I am where I am is BECAUSE I was in Utah. I’m leaving that vague because there are several things on both ends for me and I want to keep them private.

Ya know, I never told him, but I really admired my youngest brother, Chris, for picking up and moving to Vermont with his Wife and Daughter. Granted, they have her family there, but that must have taken a lot of courage to do so. But since he has, I have seen the growth in him. I have witnessed his spiritual growth explode. I have witnessed him become a man and he has become one of my best friends, as are all my brothers.

Frankly, I want that. I think my growth was about as far as I could get for the moment there in Utah. Granted, we never truly stop growing and learning, but I feel mine was really stifled. I recognize and admit that it might be partly my fault that that was the situation, however, I would never do something to intentionally slow or stop my learning and progression. I am a proud person, but I promise I was not looking for fights (99% of the time anyway). There is no way I can possibly articulate to you all how it feels to wake up and wonder why God allowed me to do so; to wonder why I was here; to get out of bed every day and look forward to two things - seeing Charlene come home from work and going to bed…at 2 or 3 in the morning.

My parents, who seem to get smarter every day, taught me that there are two things you can do when faced with adversity. They said you can do nothing and be stuck or you can stand up and do something about it. I’m doing that something. I can’t sit anymore. I can’t just let things roll off my back and be nice. Now, I don’t want to go back to mean/angry Steve, but I can’t just stagnate - which is exactly what I had done.

I want to keep the promises I’ve made. I want to be the husband I said I would be to a wife who has never let me down and shown me never ending love, support and forgiveness when I fell short. God blessed me with one of his most choice daughters; the least I can do is take care of her like he expects me to. God has a way of taking things away from you when you don’t do that. I’d rather he not.

So, the road here was long and difficult; more so than I can articulate. I’m not whining; we all face trials. I’m not saying I’m a special case; there are others much worse off than me. I simply want you to get into the mindset that I have right now.

That said, the road to Texas was almost as long. Two days of driving. I got to bed Friday night at about 11pm, fell asleep about 12:45 and got up about 4:45. After some last minute car packing with Charlene and a very emotional goodbye, I was on the road at about 6am. I topped off my tank down the road from the house and got on I-15 south. I stopped in Payson for breakfast to go and got back underway. My route took me to Scipio, Moab, cut the corner of Colorado, then drop in New Mexico with a primary goal of Albuquerque for an overnight stay. Then from there I went through Amarillo, Wichita Falls and on in to Justin. I made it all the way to Moab on ¾ of a tank. I was pretty stoked. I stopped for fuel a few times in New Mexico and a twice in Texas. I know it sounds like a lot, but most of them were stops because I was down to half a tank and the next stop was out of the range left on my tank. I really didn’t spend that much on fuel.

New Mexico is probably my least favorite state in the union (California and other liberal states are a close second) and it reminded me why on the way down here. In Colorado, the speed limit out in BFE was 75. So, I’m cookin’ it down the highway and then there’s a big sign that says “Welcome to New Mexico” next to another one that says “Speed Limit 45”. We’re in the middle of the freaking desert folks. There is NOTHING out there. Zip. Zero. Ziltch. Nadda. Nill. So, after about 30 miles of that crap, the limit jumped up to 65. Ok, I can deal with that. Then suddenly, again 45 MPH. Then 70. Then 45. Then 30. Then 75. Then 35. Then 45. Then 30. Finally, I got ticked off and said “FINE! Give me a damn ticket! I am NOT going 30 MPH across this state!” Just as I said that, I looked up and there was a BIA police officer. I forgot, I’m in Indian territory and they like money. No wonder why the speed limits suck..it’s one giant speed trap. Glad I didn’t gun it like I was about to do.

I got into Albuquerque about 5pm. I have some friends stationed at Kirtland AFB there, so I visited with them for a couple of hours, but I was absolutely knackered from driving and was getting sick, so I chose to find a hotel; and it’s a good thing I did. I got in bed and a few hours later, I woke up with a sudden urge to pray to the porcelain god, which I did every 90 minutes or so. I tried to sleep, but I finally just gave up and decided I needed to hit the road.

Now, back to my mindset for a moment.

At this point (overnight), I hadn’t really slept well for nearly a month and I really hadn’t slept well after 11 hours of driving after sleeping for a few hours prior. My morale was, pardon the pun, in the toilet. I damn near turned around and went home. I thought to myself “What kind of idiot does this? What the hell am I doing going to Texas? I belong at home in Utah with my wife. This is dumb!”

I called Charlene and told her how I was feeling. She, in true Charlene fashion, told me not to. That she believed in me and that this IS the right thing to do. She tried to make me promise her that I would just go, but she settled for me promising not to make a decision until I had slept and wasn’t emotionally and physically drained.

One LONG talk with God, a few cat naps and a few sprints later, I decided to press on.

I got my guns back in the car, got my GPS running, made sure I had my road atlas set to the right page, had my waypoint instructions (I did mapquest in waypoints) out, got my key card turned in, topped off the tank and hit the road while it was still dark. An hour later, my eyes were stinging from exhaustion. I cranked up my A/C and my radio (actually found a cool classic rock station) and kept going.

I’ve talked about how much I dislike New Mexico, but that sunrise was like nothing I have ever seen before. I noticed it as I crested a hill. It happened to be an area that was pretty flat below where I was, slightly hazy and foggy but horizon as far as I could see. The colors of deep red, purple, green, grey, orange and yellow all mixed to create a sight that I doubt I will ever forget. It was gorgeous. At that moment, I felt God. I feel like I was looking at a painting that he had finished and placed there so I could see it. I know it sounds corny, but it was religious. I wish I had stopped and taken a picture. No words could do it justice.

I got in to Amarillo at about 9am. By this time, my stomach had calmed some so I figured maybe now was a good time to eat. I topped off the tank and got some food in my stomach (to go, of course) and it seemed to help. However, I was having a hard time keeping the eyelids open, so in my infinite (deliriously tired) wisdom, I decided to pick up the pace. (no, not the salsa and not that Pace. I did that 7 years ago!) There were points on US-287 between Wichita Falls and Justin that I was over 110 MPH because I KNEW I was getting close to the end of my endurance. Not the smartest or safest thing to do, especially tired, but it helped me make up some of the time from sleeping overnight.

As I was getting into Justin, Mike (best friend, who I’m staying with) called me and told me that he was heading to the store, so I just met him there. It was nice to see him again; and to stand up. I had, after all, just been in the car for nearly 2 straight days. I was anxious to get parked though, so we got here, relaxed for a minute, then unpacked the car. I went to bed that night (Sunday) and slept solid for 11 hours. It was the first time in quite a while that I really rested. It was nice.

So, now the journey begins. Time to put my money where my mouth is and make this work. If I can pull it off, Charlene will join me by Halloween. If not, I’m coming home…but don’t expect me back yet. I’m not sold that I’m not crazy for coming here, but I’m going to really give it a go.

I hope I answered some questions. If I didn’t, oh well. I just wanted to give you some insight so maybe, just maybe, you can see where I’m at in life from my perspective. I’m tired and already more home sick than I was at flight school, but I’m pushing. I want to be able to hold my head up and say I accomplished something real in life. I want to be able to look certain people in the eye and say “I did it. I kept my promises.” I love Charlene and want to be near her, but I want her to come here and I want to be able to say “Hun, look at the life I’m carving out for us here. I did it this far, but I want to do the rest with you.”

And that is the point of coming to Texas.

A softer side of Steve

I have really been having fun on the computer tonight. I just wanted to share a few recent pictures of Steve that I LOVE!

Those blue eyes get me...frequently!

He looks so innocent. How can you resist this face?

I love you Steve!

It has officially begun...

For those of you who already know, this is an update. For those of you who don't know, here is our latest news. For over a year, Steve has been working toward a specific job opportunity in Texas. He finally got it and left Saturday to go start working. He will be staying with our friends, Mike and Sarah, until I am able to move down. He drove by himself and was very nervous about the drive, but he made it safe this afternoon.

We are giving it 2 weeks before I give my notice at to allow time to make sure everything is going to work out well and then it will be another few weeks before we make the actual move so it will be mid-October before it happens. We both have very mixed emotions but we have been working on this for quite some time and we are excited to see what will happen.

Please consider us in your thoughts and prayers, especially Steve as he is away from home and in a new, somewhat scary situation.

He's at it again...

If you didn't already know, Steve is addicted to his flight simulator. He is like a kid in a candy store and being able to fly will cure almost any foul mood. Notice I say almost. Anyway, he loved to teach anyone and everyone he can how to fly.

Case in point, Steve's brother and family came to visit today. Steve and Ryan linked the two computers and were flying 747s in formation and Steve was so excited he asked Melissa and I to come in at see it. While we were there he held Mike for a bit. Mike, being only 8 months old, naturally grabbed the nifty toys in front of him. It made quite the cute picture that I just had to share.


Steve really is so good with kids. It is one of my favorite things to see because he is just him, no walls, no fronts. It's cute!

Another brief update

These updates may get annoying, but it is the best way I know how to spread the word without spending countless hours on the phone.

Steve was supposed to have more tests done today. However, he found out yesterday afternoon that he wasn't supposed to eat anything after breakfast yesterday morning. So, we have to reschedule and the office is being very difficult about it with us. We didn't even get the registration/information forms from the the mail until I got home from work yesterday.

We'll let you know when we have updates.

Brief update

Steve is finally back at work tonight. We got the results back from the test earlier this week. There is something going on with his liver. We don't have anything confirmed right now, but it is looking like something that is not going to just go away with antibiotics...it could be a life long thing. He has more tests scheduled for next week (the dr. said urgent and Tuesday is the first time available).

Meanwhile, he is in good spirits and has been focusing on keeping his attitude positive. It has been a good help for me because I am a worry-wart and feel that there is nothing I can do to help him. He did receive a blessing last night which, as always, really seems to have made a difference. Thank you for your thoughts and concerns. We will keep you posted.

Very sick

Just a quick update.

Steve is on his way home from the doctor. He is a very sick boy. I don't know all the details, I just know he is miserable. He also has a CT scan scheduled for tomorrow morning and possibly other tests to come.

So, please keep him in your thoughts and prayers.